Sunday mornings are my worship time. It’s the only block of time that there is no drop off or pick up or work out or anything but me and the kids at home. Sunday morning is my sanctuary, or that’s what I’ve promised. Yet today I sat down for a few minutes with my coffee and immediately felt incapable to stay there. I could easily worship while I folded laundry and swept up the sand that tracked in from outside. I love cleaning our home, it serves our family. I can worship while I do that. I can wipe down the counters. While I’m at it I can plan for my week of work and map out my list of to-dos. I can consult the calendar.
But I can’t sit still. I can’t BE still.
This isn’t worship at all. This is bondage.
I’m not worshipping while I clean, do, hustle. I’m worshipping. I’m bowing down. I’m believing that getting these things done will bring me joy and fix my problems. I’m worshipping alright, but I’m not worshipping the God of Salvation. I’m worshipping the spinning wheel.
This is the conviction that stares me back in the mirror this morning: I will always wonder towards doing, towards the gold stars and the checklists. I will always forget the freedom I have when I drift. What starts as a drift and becomes an eager paddling of my raft away from grace, away from freedom, away from sweet Gospel dependence.
Spring time lures me the most. There is so much to do, so much to attend, so much parenting involvement at school and work achievement to pursue. There is the business of being busy and throwing the doors open and conquering all the everything.
It’s a trick. It’s a tale, a manipulation, a fasade.
Stop me where I strive, calm my frenzied mind. Deliver me into your goodness and peace. Wash me in love and forgiveness, mercy and faithfulness. Remind me of your steadfast love when I forget. The grave is behind me and I walk forward in light! There is no work of my hand that could be me the joy of your salvation. All good things pale in the light of your utter holiness.
Oh sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth! Sing to the LORD, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.
Ascribe to the LORD, O families of the peoples, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength! Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering, and come into his courts! Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth!
Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns! Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity.”
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it! Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness, and the peoples in his faithfulness.